Early Edition: Halloween

Beyond actually dressing up for Halloween, one of my favorite pass-times is contemplating The Perfect Costume. It’s always a challenge, and frankly, many of you aren’t up to it, so I’ve provided a list of cliches to avoid this Halloween.

Top 2 Slutty Costumes:
1) Anything portrayed by the Village People, IE firemen, policemen, indians, crossing guards, 0nly with more belly fat and butt cleavage showing
2) Sarah Palin, American flag swimsuit version

Top 2 “I’m an Intellectual” Costumes:
1) Sarah Palin, business suit debate version
2) Uhm, there won’t be another. It will only be Sarah Palin. Maybe somebody will be smartass enough to say they are Tina Fey dressed as Palin, but essentially they will be the same

Top 2 Overused Emo Costumes:
1) Willy Wonka
2) The Mad Hatter
*Anything involving Tim Burton or his pet Johnny Depp is pretty much a no-go

Top 2 “I Need an Excuse to be a Douche Bag” Costumes:
1) The Joker
2) Green Man. Yes, from Always Sunny. Because you all think you are the only one who knows about it.

Top 2 Overused Animal Costumes:
1) Hot Dog Buns
2) Anything where the dog has faux arms to make it look like they are standing upright

In my personal opinion, it’s time to stop the maddness. Stop trying to trendy or kitchy or smart or a whore, and go for the classics. Be a mermaid. Dare to be a non-slutty public servant. Be something scary. Use fake blood.

*Note: there is no such thing as an un-slutty French maid. While they are in fact, classic Halloween, the sluttyness negates them from my list. Yes, even if you are referencing Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Poll: What are you going to be this Halloween? And I would say you won’t be judged to encourage responses, but who am I kidding. You will be judged. Brutally. If you chose to provide a rebuttal, the only evidence I will consider is the nature of the event to which you are wearing it.

4 thoughts on “Early Edition: Halloween

  1. haha, approved.Although those bunnies are kinda creepy, not to mention the bunny costume connection with Donnie Darko, which is definitely creepy.Believe it or not, I will be house-sitting/pet-sitting for my parents that weekend, so I’m stuck in SL passing out candy.Ruby has a costume though. She is a skeleton.

  2. haha i want to see skeleton ruby! i must admit, when sarah palin was first announced as dipstick’s VP pick, i thought “well, halloween.” it was, in fact, the scariest costume i could think of. my take on it was going to be business suit with slut underneath, a rifle, and a pageant sash that said “Miss Informed.” but then weeks passed and i got so disgusted with the state of things, i couldn’t stand the thought of perpetuating the madness. i decided to be a vampire. a pale, scary one. and if true blood (basically my new favorite show) is any indication, vampires are inherently slutty. so now problem there. 🙂 oh, and because you love me, it’s “kitschy.”

  3. Thank GOD. I knew it looked wrong but just didn’t mess with it. :)yeah, I have to admit I wanted to be Sarah Palin too, but you just know so many people will do it it becomes sad. “perpetuating the madness” cracks me up. It’s definitely appropriate.and vampires aren’t so much slutty as sexy/seductive, so I think that makes them okay

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