Beyond actually dressing up for Halloween, one of my favorite pass-times is contemplating The Perfect Costume. It’s always a challenge, and frankly, many of you aren’t up to it, so I’ve provided a list of cliches to avoid this Halloween.
Top 2 Slutty Costumes:
1) Anything portrayed by the Village People, IE firemen, policemen, indians, crossing guards, 0nly with more belly fat and butt cleavage showing
2) Sarah Palin, American flag swimsuit version
Top 2 “I’m an Intellectual” Costumes:
1) Sarah Palin, business suit debate version
2) Uhm, there won’t be another. It will only be Sarah Palin. Maybe somebody will be smartass enough to say they are Tina Fey dressed as Palin, but essentially they will be the same
Top 2 Overused Emo Costumes:
1) Willy Wonka
2) The Mad Hatter
*Anything involving Tim Burton or his pet Johnny Depp is pretty much a no-go
Top 2 “I Need an Excuse to be a Douche Bag” Costumes:
1) The Joker
2) Green Man. Yes, from Always Sunny. Because you all think you are the only one who knows about it.
Top 2 Overused Animal Costumes:
1) Hot Dog Buns
2) Anything where the dog has faux arms to make it look like they are standing upright
In my personal opinion, it’s time to stop the maddness. Stop trying to trendy or kitchy or smart or a whore, and go for the classics. Be a mermaid. Dare to be a non-slutty public servant. Be something scary. Use fake blood.
*Note: there is no such thing as an un-slutty French maid. While they are in fact, classic Halloween, the sluttyness negates them from my list. Yes, even if you are referencing Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Poll: What are you going to be this Halloween? And I would say you won’t be judged to encourage responses, but who am I kidding. You will be judged. Brutally. If you chose to provide a rebuttal, the only evidence I will consider is the nature of the event to which you are wearing it.