I have never understood why master bathrooms have double sinks when what they should have is double toilets.
The crushing irony of a good idea is that eventually, you won’t be the only one who thinks of it. The only true validation is in the lag time it takes everyone else to catch on. Well, the lag time is over, the jig is up, and everyone is cashing in on ideas I have been nursing since middle school.
List of People Who Have Come Before Me and Stolen My Good Ideas:
1. Michelle Obama (see “My Jackie O Complex”)
3. Chroma Lab
The most amazing thing of all is that I am still able to muster up a good dose of Righteous Indignation, knowing full well no one can hold a monopoly over ideas such as these.
For some reason it is always at the busiest times in my life that I ambitiously decide “hey, I have time to be intellectual, I’m gonna subscribe to the newspaper”. Right now I get the Houston Chronicle Wednesday through Sunday and the New York Times on Sunday. Two weeks of this madness and I feel overwhelmed. I have so much unread newspaper stacked up in the corner of my living room I’m going to have to either succumb to life as a crazy shut-in or else instigate the world’s largest paper mache project.
And so it is, I find myself for the third time in a year making shameful break-up phone calls to the New York Times, citing reasons unrelated to the fact I am just not intellectual enough to make it through so many pages of reading, and the daily reminder of my inadequacy is too much to bear, even at the student discount rate of $3 a week.
Maybe I will make up something about using the money to fund a Somalian kid instead. That’ll get the liberal commies at Subscription Services off my back.
Confession: Although I have for some time expected there would be comparisons of the Obama Administration to the Camelot Era, it makes me unjustifiably angry that they have stolen my closely-guarded secret fantasy identity.
Yes, I will admit this in all its egotistical shame- I wanted to be the next Camelot, dammit.
When I was in middle school, you know what I wanted to be when I grew up? Madeline Albright. Madeline Albright in a Chanel suit with a laser pointer. It wasn’t so much about being Secretary of State as being intelligent, diplomatic and incredibly poised and respected.
A small part of what attracted me to Aaron was the fact that he had an interest in law and politics and there was the remote, minuscule possibility I could one day be a politically active, incredibly stylish and classic politician’s wife.
But Jackie O’s only come along once in a blue moon, and if I ever get there it will be too close to the previous one to declare another.
It is for this reason (and no other of course) that my dream is dead.
The ego lives on.
This weekend I realized one very key reason NOT to rent an older apartment- Electric Bills.
After an excessively high bill in August due to the heat (and us being jobless and at home in the AC 24/7) and an excessively low bill in September (thank you Ike?) I didn’t know what to expect for October. Well thank you Reliant, for clearing things up. This month our bill was back and badder than ever, proving that despite our efforts, our 1960s AC unit is no match for our 1960s sheet rock and flat top roof.
I’ve never been super in to going green, but strap some solar panels on my roof and sign me up for Greenpeace, because I refuse to pay another $250 electric bill for a 1000 square foot apartment. Seriously. We keep the A/C off when we are at work/school. Ruby lives in 80 degrees for 8 hours. We always keep lights off, windows covered. We even installed some weather stripping around our rented front door.
I called my mom in a state of panic- this can’t possibly be reasonable, or even worse, what if it is?
She confessed that bills can get high here, and the rates aren’t what they are in Austin (where I generally paid $50 a month for the same size apartment I live in now) but her October bill for a house three times the size of my apartment was only about $20 more.
This is not good.
I’ve called the apartment office to check our AC unit, check the fridge, offer suggestions. But aside from changing my energy company, I’m afraid the only real thing we can do to cut costs is move.
Then again this must be part of the reason this place was notably cheaper than others in the area in the first place. Anything newer would be expensive enough (if not more so) to offset the energy savings.
Being a grown-up sucks. Time to expand my Life Goals list: #162: Build the most energy-efficient house this side of the igloos in Alaska.
I just don’t feel ready to write yet on all the significant things that have happened.
Still needs time to process.
I will say this- aside from the overwhelming joy of having a president who is a man of honor, intelligence, vision, hope, and for chrissakes eloquence (praise heaven he can pronounce “nuclear”) what surprised me most the night of the election was the rise of a very recent and uneasy emotion.
It’s the feeling you get when you realize you are out from your parent’s wing. You are on your own and your future has been placed in your own sweaty palms. With Bush, I never felt this way. I never felt a sense of ownership in this country. I felt like he would take care of it all, wouldn’t let me decide or have a piece for myself anyways, so it was easy and stable.
With Obama brings everything I had ever hoped for- a sense of shared responsibility in the future of our country. It is scary to give him leadership because it requires our own. For the first time I don’t feel secure, knowing all my decisions will no longer be made for me.
But our country wants and needs to grow up, and I am happy and excited and thrilled to be given the opportunity to do so.
…I guess I was ready to talk about it. Hah.
There was this optimal moment where everything at work was fresh and new (the sights, the sounds, the people, the drama) and I still had a bank of extra sleep from the summer to fuel my creative mind and ideas just flowed out of me like fake nacho cheese from a spout.
Now, I’m mush. My brain is mush. Work is work and sleep is needed. I’ve noticed a stark decline in blog content in the last few weeks but feel powerless to stop it. Energy has been thrust elsewhere.
To provide you with something in the interim and in lieu of real content, I give you the trend entry.
What is Now and What is Five Minutes Ago:
NOW: golden yellow, lime yellow, mixing neon yellow with black and white. Yellow, yellow, yellow. Also, Robin’s Egg blue.
TAKING FIVE: Jewel tones. Bye-bye turquoise, sorry to see you go.
NOW: antique furniture painted in pastels and trendy colors. Shiny paint, not matte.
BITING THE BIG ONE: modern looking, plastic furniture. No more metal, adios Ikea.
NOW TRASH: Your Coach bag. Sorry kids. I know I will continue to wear mine (my momma didn’t raise no fool, that shit is expensive) but the truth is leather accented bags are replacing the all-leather sector.
Then of course there is the epic and continuous battle between black and brown, gold and silver. Black purse, gold jewelry? There always comes a point in time where you have to make a decision between the two on a staple-clothing purchase. And more than likely, you are always wrong. Not because you are unfashionable, but because the “answer” changes too goddamn often. As of this SECOND in time, the answer is gold and brown. But even that is a ticking time bomb.
- Brown/gold, Black/silver are generally paired together. If you are buying a leather item with metal accents (such as a purse or shoes with a buckle) opt for those combinations. More than likely, it will stay fashionable longer.
- Shoes tend to trend black more often than brown. It’s good to have a couple of expendable brown shoes in your repertoire, but when shelling out the big bucks for long-lasting classics, go black.
- Watches- I personally have never been very attracted to either gold or silver (they are all so plain, all the same look), so I go super trendy with my choices, knowing the thing will probably break around the time it goes out of style anyhow.
- Wedding rings always screw you over. The hope is that your marriage is going to outlast at least 3 or 4 of these shifts in trend, so pick what you genuinely want, regardless of current standards in style. A good way to do this is to look at vintage jewelry to see what attracts you. Want something timeless? Fashion it after something that already is.
- Purchasing items that happen to be both brown and black or both gold and silver is not the “perfect solution” to this debate. Unless you are under the rare circumstances that a designer has chosen to highlight this particular feature in their design (whereby using MUCH different textures to achieve both black and brown on say, a purse) chances are that anything containing both options in the same design is a no-no. Notice the label? Yeah, that’s what I thought. What about watches you say? You think you’ve seen a Rolex that has both silver and gold in the band? Alls I have to say is, rich people can have bad taste too, and if MTV Cribs has taught us nothing, it is that there is ALWAYS a market for people willing to buy high-end gaudy crap.