Finishing the Bottle

So, like most of my projects, this resulting blog post really serves more as an incident report than it does as a DIY tutorial.

Either way, here’s what happened:

Started by soaking to get the labels off


When that only worked on about 30%, I broke out the Goof Off (which I suppose was a poor man’s Goo Gone, since it didn’t work too well) then sacrificed my cute piggy scrubber to finish the job. (I now know that sacrifice was in vain…)


It deteriorated from there…


…until finally I brought out the big guns and decided to use my 100% acetone nail polish remover, which worked frighteningly well considering I use this on my own skin.


Then, after inhaling acetone and Goof Off fumes and downing a couple of glasses of wine, I decided it was the perfect time to read a complicated instruction manual and assemble something requiring sharp objects.


Eventually, it was time.


After running the hot water, the cold water, the hot water again and observing nothing but a small, incomplete crack, I began to observe a similar crack in my psyche, which led me to lightly tap semi-slam the bottle against a towel on the countertop, which resulted in what you see below.



Round 2 – Perrier bottle


Perfection. Which by this time my overworked, slightly inebriated brain decided that this was me getting the hang of things, and not what I later realized was incredible beginner’s luck.


Attempts three through six. Abysmal.


Apparently, there’s really no way (that I can find) to ensure that the glass cracks along the score line all the way around.


Results? Annoyance, and a lot of recyclables.


Lessons learned:

  1. This guy doesn’t know what the fudge he is talking about
  2. When the man says hot, what he actually means is boiling. If you think you can just brew up a cup of plain hot water in your keurig, you would be wrong. Or something.
  3. When he says cool water, what he actually means is practically ice. Which is super easy, when your fridge doesn’t have an ice maker and you really don’t feel like thawing all your frozen smoothie fruit.
  4. On the instruction manual for the glass cutter, they’re realllll serious about making sure you have a right angle before scoring the glass. And by right angle, they mean impossibly perfect angle that takes infinite adjusting so the sharp end doesn’t just slide dully across the glass.
  5. There’s a lot more to making this DIY work. Or else the secret is Perrier bottles, because that was the only one that turned out. Since I bought the Perrier on a fluke and didn’t even like it, the world may never know.

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