Are you eating your feelings again?

My best friend asked me this on the phone a few weeks ago. She knows me way too well.

Lately, I’ve felt completely disgusted with myself and have been trying to pull myself from the depths a cycle of emotional overeating in response to being overweight.

So I answered her in the affirmative. In a whimper. Which was returned with full sympathy until I told her my weight. Which then turned to anger over the fact that she considered that her “normal to skinny” weight.

But she’s 5’7”, and I’m 5’3”, and somewhere in those four inches lies the entire world of difference.

Though this was not enough to sway her from mentally hexing me at the time, I’ve since done some truly disturbing research. That I needed this here slice of cake to complete. (Later tonight, I plan to pay some bills over a bottle of wine, so let’s just call this whole week a bust.)

According to the BMI scale – the #3 biggest threat to my life’s happiness (#1 and 2 being skin caliper tests and European sizing), these are my guidelines:

Underweight (18.5% BMI or less): 104 pounds or less

Normal (18.5–24.9% BMI): 105 – 140 pounds

Overweight (25–29.9% BMI): 141-169 pounds

Obese (30% BMI or more): 170 pounds or more

Yes. According to this guideline, if I weighed 105 pounds, I would still be considered “normal.” Which I find interesting, because I’m not sure how healthy I would be as an amputee. Also, the skinniest I have ever been in my adult life was 118 pounds. I was a freshman in college, was very active, and lived off about 600 calories a day in granola bars and went to bed hungry every night because I didn’t like my dorm food/was terrified to eat by myself.

It was a dark time. But then again, I wore a size four.

Given this fact, my current state and the tags on my clothes these days, I can confirm that if you are a shorty like me, every 5 pounds off or on your body is an entire dress size.

Think about that, tall people.

Five pounds.

So the next time your horizontally challenged friend complains about their weight, just remember the battle of the bulge is harder fought from the ground floor.

As for me, I’ve got 6 or 7 dress sizes to go.

Is it time for that drink yet?

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